I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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