Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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