Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
