Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
