I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
