felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
