the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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