I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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