she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
is wine microwaveable?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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