Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
