I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
