i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
