It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
