Already got asked if we're dating
my being single is dangerous.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
