i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize