The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
