Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize