the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
