If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
