The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
