All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
