If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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