I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
