So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
