Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
