great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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