Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
