hotel room ftw
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
