With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
