I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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