So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
