i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
