in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
