I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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