his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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