guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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