Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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