Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
