Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
