The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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