i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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