If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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