im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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