I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
