I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
