i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
