I hate all girls vehemently.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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