im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
