dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
