he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
