Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize