it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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