Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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