Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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