You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
