I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I sprained my soul last night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
