It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
