I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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