Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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