My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
