capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
