he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
