what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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