sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
