me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
