He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
