I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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