I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
