carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
