so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
