Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
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sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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