no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0