Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
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last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.