This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize