i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
