a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
