I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
