At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
