The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
