From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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