how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
