dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
