I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
