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i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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