I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
