I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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