Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
