im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
