The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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