my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
