my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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