All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
